“I wish I grew up back in Dad’s childhood."

My 14-year-old son has an iPhone that’s newer than mine, an Xbox, and instant access to friends, entertainment and nearly all human knowledge via the internet. And he wishes he grew up in the 1970s and ’80s?

“How come?" I asked – and my son unspooled an answer involving freedom, autonomy, risk and over-involvement of adults in kids’ lives.

My son has heard his dad tell stories of summer days at the river with his friends. They’d jump off the wooden bridge into the water below. My son lives just a few blocks from that same exact river, the same exact bridge. The town surrounding the bridge hasn't changed much since his dad’s childhood. It’s still a small, rural Wisconsin town, the kind of place where people joke about knowing everyone, and while that’s not quite true, the odds of getting out of the grocery store without seeing someone you know are pretty slim.

The town hasn’t changed. Times have. My son knows that if he and his friends attempted to jump off the bridge and swim – as his dad did, many times – the most likely outcome is that some well-meaning adult would call the cops.

At 14 – an age at which, in generations past, most boys were contributing to the well-being of their families by working – my son is ready, able and willing to put his skills and strength to the test in the real world. Yet he, like so many other American boys and girls, is stymied by a culture that seems to have elevated safety to the highest regard, without considering how a lack of risk might inhibit kids’ development.

[See: 10 Ways to Raise a Giving Child.]

How Attempts to Erase Risk Stunt Kids’ Development

Risk, by definition, is “a situation involving exposure to danger." While that certainly sounds like something to protect our children from – none of us wants our children hurt – risk is a crucial catalyst of development.

Think about it. When have you experienced the most growth within your own life? Likely, it was when you faced a challenge and had to overcome an obstacle using skills you weren’t even sure you had. Risk involves facing uncertainty. It involves testing our capabilities and discovering our limitations. It requires problem-solving skills and on-the-spot thinking.

In other words, risk helps children develop essential life skills. Risky activities give kids a chance to develop confidence and competence as they master challenges.

Our attempts to protect children from harm has inadvertently removed risk from many of our kids' lives. Parents freak out if a child climbs too high on the playground. “Sword fighting" with sticks is frowned upon. Children rarely walk or bike anywhere anymore – and in some well-publicized cases, adults have called the police after seeing a child walking alone.

Pocket knives, once a common tool for young boys, have become verboten. The idea of children starting or tending a campfire terrifies many people; some are even reluctant to let their children cook a meal on the stove. No wonder so many kids leave home unable to cook or handle other basic tasks! We’ve amputated their ambition by interfering when they show initiative. “ No, honey. You can’t do that. Here, let me."

[Read: Take the Bubble Wrap Off Your Child.]

How to Support Healthy Risk-Taking

A better approach is to let kids figure out their capabilities by taking some risks. Instead of freaking out when your child climbs to the top of the monkey bars, pause. Watch. Is he looking increasingly frantic, or is he determined? If you see determination on his face – even if it’s mixed with fear – let him be. Remain close by, if it makes you more comfortable, but resist the urge to reach out. Let your child decide how high to climb, and let him figure out how to get there. Instead of worrying about the bones he could break, think about the sense of accomplishment and pride he’ll feel when he reaches his goal.

Rather than immediately putting the kibosh on your child’s “crazy plans," watch and observe. The bike ramp he’s building might not be as big or scary as you fear. Ask what he's doing. Remind him to wear safety gear. If you see something potentially unsafe, speak up. Express your concern, but then let your child solve the problem. So if your child is setting up a bike ramp in the driveway and you’re concerned it’s too close to the road, tell him: “That seems pretty close to the street. Do you think you need more space after the ramp?" Some kids will immediately adjust their plans. Others will resist. It’s OK to step in and stop things if needed.

[See: 12 Questions You Should Ask Your Kids at Dinner.]

Let kids try some risky things – cutting the lawn; using tools and sharp knives; starting a fire; cooking – under the supervision of an adult who models and discusses safety protocols. Allow your child to gradually assume more responsibility; a child who helps prep and cook meals will be better prepared to cook independently. Similarly, you’ll want to know that your child can safely handle a hammer before allowing him near power tools.

Above all, encourage and praise your child’s ambition and determination. His desire to tackle challenges and take risks will serve him well in the years to come.

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